Sun

I have not a picture of you
But I see your image everyday
Hoping that for every sundown
draws closer to a sunrise

revealing not an image
but a definite being of you

And when that date comes
I’ll make my eyes wide open
Trying to record all of it
And when the unfortunate sundown occurs

I’ll slowly close my eyes
and wait for another sunrise

There was no promise made
Though your eyes spoke to me
I was given a feel of a return
It’s pretentious, but I will wait

No matter how long it takes
I will take it anyway

For when that day comes
I’d no longer open wide my eyes
Nor try to record everything
For even when the unfortunate sundown occurs

I’d gladly close my eyes
Knowing that when I open it
We’ll both witness the sunrise
I was telling you about

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I came. I saw. I failed. I will conquer.

I asked God, “Lord, give me one more chance. I know You can move mountains.”

But, I didn’t make it. I was a step short, and 2 steps short for the other.

I’m talking about grades here. I’m in my second year in BS Accountancy. Actually, I was. You know, Accountancy programs usually have rigid retention programs. And I didn’t make it.

When I created this blog, I was hopeful I could share a victorious and an unbelievable anecdote. But the anecdote I was expecting turned out to be a semi-tragic moment of my bumpy ride of life.

I did not give up. I didn’t give in.

But I had to accept that in life, you win some, you lose some. I’m no Einstein. But I know I’m more than a failure. Heck, I never accepted that I was a failure.

The first two years were a challenge of the mind and heart. All along, I had this feeling of uncertainty of the path I took. But I kept pushing harder, sayang naman ehThe first screening, I almost didn’t get through. The second was a miracle. And then this was the third one.

When it happened, it slowly sank into me. It was like one of those scenes in movies that someone talks to you but your mind is elsewhere–some place where you are reminded of your past mistakes, especially the ones you almost won but came up short.

Man, my ego got shaken.

I was almost Valedictorian in grade school, 5th in HS, won several contests for the org and college recently, but it felt like all of it was for nothing (except for the cash incentives). I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t even want to check my Facebook status.

After a lot of thinking, about 2 minutes, I immediately decided, along with unfortunate friends, to transfer to Divine Word College to continue the path of CPA.

I reaffirmed my goals. “Is it really what I want?” I always wanted to be a lawyer. CPA Lawyer sounded so good so I took Accountancy. Hold on, I can still be a lawyer less CPA. Pero sayang naman eh.

So…

My parents were with me. Divine was a go. But the feeling of uncertainty still lingered. Did you ever have moments in your life where everything looked settled and ready to go, but you’d still feel uncomfortable? I get that a lot after locking my room. But this was more than turning the door knob.

After talking to people of maturity, experience and good scent, I prayed again.

“Lord, give me a sign to continue the path of CPA or not. Give me something.”

This time, it was clear. Divine was a no-go. I said to myself “I have a different Divine Destiny. And I know where it is.”

Of course I had no reply for myself.

So now, I remained in the proud green and gold of Ilocos Norte.

God has not granted that request of mine. But it has enabled my eyes to see more clearly, my ears to hear more audibly and my lips to speak more thankfully. For despite what happened, I’m more interested in what’s going to happen.

I will conquer.

hELp